In my earlier post, I shared an ultimate guide on how to write an effective graduate school personal statement and introduced an 8-point framework to guide you in evaluating your personal statement. Building on that foundation, in this post, I’ll delve into the things you should avoid when crafting your graduate school personal statement. 

Additionally, I’ll provide you with a 7-point framework that you can use to circumvent the common pitfalls often encountered in personal statements. By following these guidelines, you’ll be able to create a compelling and polished statement that effectively communicates your unique qualities, experiences, and aspirations, ultimately enhancing your chances of securing a spot in your desired program.

What Should You Avoid in a Grad School Personal Statement?

In a graduate school personal statement, you want to present yourself in the best possible light and demonstrate your suitability for the program. To avoid undermining your application, here are 10 things you should NOT do in your personal statement:

1) Being too General or Vague

Summary: Make sure to provide specific examples, experiences, or goals related to your chosen field of study. Avoid generic statements that could apply to any candidate.

A vague statement lacks detail and might apply to many candidates, which doesn’t set you apart or demonstrate your unique qualifications.

To avoid being vague, you should:

• Clearly articulate your academic and research interests, ensuring they align with the graduate program’s focus.
• Highlight relevant experiences, such as research projects, internships, or volunteer work, that demonstrate your skills and passion for the field.
• Discuss your specific goals for your graduate studies and how the program will help you achieve them.
• Provide examples of accomplishments or experiences that showcase your potential for success in the graduate program.

By being specific, you make it easier for the admissions committee to understand your background, interests, and goals, which can significantly improve your chances of being accepted into the program.

Let’s look at an example from an applicant to a psychology graduate program to illustrate a vague/general statement (bad) and a specific statement (good).

Bad (vague/general):

“Ever since I was young, I have always been interested in psychology. My love for psychology has grown over the years, and now I am excited to pursue my passion at the graduate level. I believe that obtaining a graduate degree will allow me to make a difference in the world.”

This statement is generic and could apply to almost any applicant. It lacks specific details about the candidate’s experiences, skills, or goals in the field of psychology.

Good (specific):

“During my undergraduate studies in psychology at Columbia University, I became fascinated with the cognitive-behavioral approach to therapy. My involvement in a research project examining the efficacy of CBT for patients with anxiety disorders allowed me to develop strong analytical and research skills. I also volunteered at a local mental health clinic, where I co-facilitated a weekly CBT-based support group for individuals struggling with anxiety. These experiences have solidified my interest in pursuing a graduate degree in psychology, with a focus on CBT, to contribute to the development of more effective therapeutic interventions.”

This statement clearly communicates the applicant’s specific interest in cognitive-behavioral therapy and highlights relevant experiences that demonstrate their suitability for the program. It also shows a clear understanding of the field and a well-defined goal for their graduate studies.

2) Using Clichés

Summary: Stand out by avoiding overused phrases and being original in your writing. Show your personality, unique perspective, and genuine motivations for pursuing your degree.

Clichéd statements often rely on overused phrases and generic sentiments that don’t set you apart from other applicants.

To avoid clichés and be original, you should:

• Reflect on your personal experiences, motivations, and interests that led you to pursue a graduate degree in your chosen field. Authentic insights can help you stand out.
• Avoid overused phrases and sentiments, such as “ever since I was a child” or “I want to make the world a better place.” Instead, use your unique voice and perspective.
• Provide specific examples or anecdotes that showcase your personality, creativity, and critical thinking skills, which can help the admissions committee see you as a distinct candidate.
• Focus on what makes you different from other applicants, such as your unique background, experiences, or perspective on the field.

By being original and avoiding clichés, you can make your personal statement more engaging and memorable, which can significantly improve your chances of being accepted into the graduate program.

Let’s consider an example from a hypothetical applicant to a graduate program in environmental science to illustrate a clichéd statement (bad) and an original statement (good).

Bad (clichéd):

“Ever since I was a child, I have always loved nature and wanted to make the world a better place. I believe that by pursuing a graduate degree in environmental science, I can help save the planet for future generations.”

This statement relies on overused phrases, such as “ever since I was a child” and “make the world a better place,” which don’t set the applicant apart from others. It lacks originality and personal insight into the candidate’s motivations and experiences.

Good (original):

“Growing up in a rural community that faced water scarcity, I developed a deep appreciation for the importance of sustainable water management. As an undergraduate, I focused on hydrology and conducted research on groundwater recharge in my region. My experiences ignited a passion for understanding the complex interplay between human activities and water resources. I am eager to pursue a graduate degree in environmental science to develop innovative solutions for water management challenges that communities like mine face.”

This statement provides a unique perspective, avoiding clichés and offering a personal connection to the field. It demonstrates the applicant’s genuine motivations, specific interests, and relevant experiences that make them a strong candidate for the graduate program.

3) Providing a Lengthy Autobiography

Summary: Focus on the most relevant experiences and achievements that demonstrate your suitability for the program. Avoid sharing your entire life story or including irrelevant information.

Providing a lengthy, unfocused autobiography can make it difficult for the admissions committee to identify the most relevant information and may weaken the overall impact of your statement.

To be concise and focused, you should:

• Prioritize your experiences, achievements, and interests that are most relevant to the graduate program you’re applying to. Focus on the aspects that showcase your suitability for the program.
• Use clear and concise language, avoiding unnecessary details and overly complex sentences.
• Create a logical structure for your statement, with each paragraph building upon the previous one and leading to a clear conclusion that reinforces your main points.
• Edit and revise your statement multiple times, eliminating redundancies and ensuring that every sentence contributes to the overall purpose of your statement.

By being concise and focused, you can create a powerful personal statement that effectively communicates your qualifications and passion for the graduate program, which can significantly improve your chances of being accepted.

Let’s look at an example from a hypothetical applicant to a graduate program in business administration to illustrate a lengthy, unfocused autobiography (bad) and a concise, relevant statement (good).

Bad (lengthy autobiography):

“I was born and raised in a small town where my parents owned a local grocery store. As a child, I would often help out at the store, stocking shelves and assisting customers. In high school, I became involved in various clubs and organizations, such as the debate team and the student council. When I started college, I initially pursued a degree in political science but later switched to business administration after taking an inspiring economics course. During my time in college, I also took up tennis and played on the school team, which taught me valuable lessons about teamwork and perseverance.”

This statement provides a broad overview of the applicant’s life but fails to focus on the most relevant experiences and achievements related to the business administration graduate program. It includes extraneous information, such as childhood experiences and hobbies, which dilute the overall impact of the statement.

Good (concise and relevant):

“While pursuing my undergraduate degree in business administration, I interned at a fast-growing startup where I gained hands-on experience in marketing and project management. This experience sparked my interest in the intersection of innovation and business strategy. I also completed a capstone project analyzing the competitive landscape for sustainable packaging solutions, which deepened my understanding of strategic decision-making in the face of evolving market demands. I am eager to build on these experiences by pursuing a graduate degree in business administration, focusing on entrepreneurship and innovation to drive sustainable growth in today’s dynamic business environment.”

This statement highlights the applicant’s relevant experiences and achievements in the field of business administration, demonstrating their suitability for the graduate program. It avoids an extensive recounting of the applicant’s life story and instead focuses on the most pertinent details that showcase their qualifications and interests.

4) Overemphasizing your Weaknesses

Summary: While it’s important to acknowledge any challenges you’ve faced, focus on how you’ve overcome them and grown as a person. Don’t dwell on negative aspects or make excuses for your shortcomings.

While it’s crucial to be honest about your challenges and setbacks, dwelling too much on them can create a negative impression and cast doubt on your ability to succeed in the program.

To avoid overemphasizing your weaknesses, you should:

• Maintain a balanced perspective: Discuss both your strengths and accomplishments, as well as any challenges you’ve faced. This helps create a well-rounded representation of your experiences and growth.
• Focus on resilience and growth: If you mention a weakness or setback, emphasize the steps you took to overcome it and what you learned from the experience. Show how you’ve grown and developed as a result.
• Be strategic about addressing weaknesses: Choose which weaknesses to mention carefully, and only include those that are relevant and demonstrate your ability to learn from your mistakes. Avoid discussing weaknesses that might raise red flags about your ability to handle the rigors of the graduate program.
• Keep a positive tone: When discussing weaknesses, maintain an overall positive and confident tone. Focus on your determination, adaptability, and commitment to improvement.

By carefully addressing your weaknesses without overemphasizing them, you can demonstrate your resilience and ability to learn from your experiences, which can create a favorable impression on the admissions committee.

Let’s look at an example from a hypothetical applicant to a graduate program in computer science, illustrating a statement that overemphasizes weaknesses (bad) and a statement that acknowledges challenges while focusing on growth and resilience (good).

Bad (overemphasizing weaknesses):

“In my first semester of college, I struggled with programming and received a C in my introductory computer science course. I was overwhelmed by the complexity of the material and the pace of the course. I often felt discouraged and questioned my abilities to succeed in the field. Despite these early setbacks, I still want to pursue a graduate degree in computer science.”

This statement highlights the applicant’s struggles and negative emotions, which may cast doubt on their ability to handle the rigors of a graduate program. While it’s important to address challenges, it’s crucial to avoid dwelling on them in a way that undermines your application.

Good (acknowledging challenges and focusing on growth):

“During my first semester of college, I encountered initial challenges in my introductory computer science course. However, I recognized the need to develop stronger problem-solving and programming skills to excel in the field. I sought out additional resources, such as tutoring and online courses, and joined a study group to improve my understanding of the material. By the time I completed my undergraduate degree, I had earned consistently high grades in my computer science courses and even served as a teaching assistant for the introductory course. This experience taught me the value of perseverance and adaptability, which I am confident will serve me well in a graduate computer science program.”

This statement acknowledges the applicant’s early challenges but shifts the focus to their growth and resilience. It demonstrates how they took initiative to overcome obstacles and ultimately succeeded, which can leave a positive impression on the admissions committee.

5) Being Overly Emotional or Dramatic

Summary: Share your passion for your field, but avoid excessive emotional language or melodrama. Maintain a professional tone and focus on conveying your ideas clearly and effectively.

While it’s essential to convey your passion and motivation, striking a balance between personal experiences and maintaining a professional tone is key.

To avoid being overly emotional or dramatic, you should:

• Stay focused on your academic and professional goals: While sharing personal experiences can provide context for your motivation, make sure to connect these experiences to your academic and career objectives.
• Use a measured and balanced tone: Convey your passion and enthusiasm for your chosen field without resorting to excessive emotion or dramatic language. Aim to maintain a professional and mature tone throughout your statement.
• Be mindful of your audience: Remember that your personal statement will be read by an admissions committee composed of academics and professionals. They will likely appreciate a statement that is clear, concise, and focused on your qualifications and goals.
• Show, don’t tell: Instead of relying on emotional language to convey your passion, demonstrate it through examples of your accomplishments, experiences, and commitment to your field.

By avoiding excessive emotion or drama, you can present yourself as a serious and professional candidate for the graduate program, which can enhance your chances of being accepted.

Let’s look at an example from a hypothetical applicant to a graduate program in public health, illustrating a statement with excessive emotion or drama (bad) and a statement with a balanced and professional tone (good).

Bad (overly emotional or dramatic):

“I will never forget the tragic day when my beloved grandmother passed away due to inadequate medical care. Her loss left a gaping hole in my heart, and I vowed to dedicate my life to ensuring that no one else would suffer such a devastating fate. I am determined to fight for better healthcare access, and I believe that earning a graduate degree in public health will give me the power to change the world and save countless lives.”

This statement relies heavily on emotions and dramatic language, which can detract from the overall professionalism of the application. While it’s important to convey your passion, maintaining a balanced tone is key to presenting yourself as a serious candidate.

Good (balanced and professional tone):

“The loss of my grandmother due to inadequate medical care deeply affected me and sparked my interest in healthcare access and equity. As an undergraduate, I volunteered with a local health advocacy organization, where I contributed to community outreach initiatives and policy recommendations to improve healthcare access in underserved areas. I also conducted research on the impact of socioeconomic factors on health outcomes. Pursuing a graduate degree in public health will enable me to develop the skills and knowledge needed to create meaningful change in healthcare policy and practice.”

This statement conveys the applicant’s personal connection and passion for public health while maintaining a professional tone. It focuses on relevant experiences and goals, demonstrating the candidate’s commitment to their field without relying on excessive emotion or drama.

6) Excessive Use of Jargon

Summary: While it’s essential to demonstrate your knowledge in your field, avoid using technical terms excessively or without proper context. Remember that the admissions committee may not be experts in your specific area of interest.

While it’s essential to demonstrate your knowledge and expertise in your field, relying too heavily on technical terms can make your statement difficult to understand, especially for readers who may not be experts in your specific area of research or study.

To avoid excessive use of jargon, you should:

• Use clear and concise language: Aim to communicate your experiences, knowledge, and research interests in a way that is accessible to a broad audience, including admissions committee members who may have a different area of expertise.
• Provide context for technical terms: If you must use technical terms, ensure that you provide enough context and explanation to make their meaning and relevance clear to the reader.
• Balance technical knowledge with personal insights: While demonstrating your expertise is important, your personal statement should also convey your passion, motivations, and goals. Strike a balance between showcasing your technical skills and providing a personal perspective.
• Seek feedback from a diverse audience: Share your personal statement with friends, family, or mentors from different backgrounds to ensure that it is comprehensible and engaging to a variety of readers.

By avoiding excessive jargon and focusing on clear and accessible language, you can make your personal statement more engaging and easier to understand, which can improve your chances of being accepted into the graduate program.

Let’s consider an example from a hypothetical applicant to a graduate program in biotechnology, illustrating a statement with excessive jargon (bad) and a statement that effectively communicates the applicant’s knowledge without overusing technical terms (good).

Bad (excessive jargon):

“During my undergraduate research, I employed CRISPR/Cas9-mediated genome editing, qPCR, and next-generation sequencing techniques to analyze the role of non-coding RNAs in the TGF-B signaling pathway and their implications in epithelial-to-mesenchymal transition (EMT) and tumor metastasis. My research elucidated the complex interactions between miRNAs and lncRNAs in modulating cellular response to TGF-B stimulation.”

This statement is heavy on technical terms and jargon, which can make it difficult for an admissions committee member who is not an expert in the specific area of research to understand the applicant’s experiences and accomplishments. It’s essential to provide context and explain the relevance of your work in a more accessible language.

Good (communicating knowledge without overusing jargon):

“In my undergraduate research, I investigated the role of specific RNA molecules in cancer progression, using advanced genetic editing and sequencing techniques. By studying how these molecules interact with a key cellular signaling pathway, I was able to contribute to our understanding of how cancer cells undergo changes that enable them to spread throughout the body. This research experience not only honed my laboratory skills but also deepened my passion for exploring cutting-edge biotechnologies to develop novel therapeutic strategies.”

This statement conveys the applicant’s knowledge and experiences in the field without relying on excessive jargon. It provides context and explains the relevance of the research in a way that is accessible to a broader audience, including admissions committee members who may not be experts in the specific area of research.

7) Submitting a generic statement

Summary: Customize your personal statement for each program you apply to, demonstrating your understanding of the program’s unique features and explaining why you would be a good fit. Avoid using a one-size-fits-all approach.

A generic statement lacks specificity and personalization, which can make it difficult for the admissions committee to understand your unique qualifications, interests, and fit for the program.

To avoid submitting a generic statement, you should:

• Tailor your statement to the program: Demonstrate your understanding of the specific graduate program and its unique features, such as faculty, research opportunities, or curriculum. Explain why the program aligns with your academic and career goals.
• Highlight your individual experiences: Share experiences, accomplishments, and insights that are unique to you and showcase your distinct background and perspective.
• Demonstrate your passion: Convey your genuine enthusiasm for the program and your chosen field, using your own voice and experiences to express your motivations.
• Research each program: Spend time researching each program you’re applying to, noting key aspects that attract you and set the program apart. Incorporate these findings into your statement to demonstrate your commitment and interest.

By avoiding a generic statement and creating a tailored, personalized personal statement, you can effectively convey your unique qualifications and demonstrate your genuine interest in the graduate program, which can significantly improve your chances of being accepted.

Let’s look at an example from a hypothetical applicant to graduate programs in creative writing, illustrating a generic statement (bad) and a tailored statement that addresses the specific program and institution (good).

Bad (generic statement):

“I have always loved writing and telling stories. Throughout my undergraduate studies, I have honed my writing skills through various workshops and classes. I am eager to pursue a graduate degree in creative writing to further develop my craft and become a successful author. I am confident that a Master of Fine Arts in Creative Writing will provide me with the tools and mentorship necessary to achieve my goals.”

This statement is generic and could apply to any creative writing program. It lacks specific details about the applicant’s interest in the particular program they are applying to and does not demonstrate an understanding of the program’s unique features.

Good (tailored statement):

“I am excited to apply to the Master of Fine Arts in Creative Writing program at XYZ University because of its strong emphasis on the craft of writing and its interdisciplinary approach, which encourages collaboration between writers and artists in other fields. I am particularly drawn to the program’s distinguished faculty, whose work I have long admired, such as Professor Jane Doe, whose innovative storytelling techniques have inspired my own writing. Furthermore, the program’s commitment to fostering a supportive writing community and its annual Writer-in-Residence program make XYZ University an ideal environment for me to grow as a writer and make valuable connections within the literary world.”

This statement is tailored specifically to the creative writing program at XYZ University, demonstrating the applicant’s understanding of the program’s unique features and explaining why they would be a good fit. It shows that the applicant has done their research and is genuinely interested in the particular program and institution, which can make a stronger impression on the admissions committee.

8) Ignoring the prompt or requirements: 

Summary: Carefully read the instructions and make sure to address all required aspects in your statement. Tailor your personal statement to the specific program and institution you are applying to.

Failing to address the specific questions or guidelines provided by the program can create a negative impression and suggest that you’re not genuinely interested in the program or haven’t taken the time to understand its expectations.

To avoid ignoring the prompt or requirements, you should:

• Carefully read and analyze the prompt: Make sure you understand what the program is asking for and address each aspect of the prompt in your statement. Take note of any specific topics, questions, or themes you need to cover.
• Follow the guidelines: Pay close attention to any specific guidelines provided, such as word count, formatting, or submission instructions. Adhering to these guidelines demonstrates your attention to detail and respect for the application process.
• Tailor your statement to the program: Customize your personal statement for each program you’re applying to, demonstrating your understanding of the program’s unique features and explaining why you’re a good fit. Avoid submitting a generic statement that could apply to any program.
• Review and revise: After writing your personal statement, review it to ensure that you’ve addressed all aspects of the prompt and followed the guidelines. If necessary, make revisions to better align your statement with the program’s expectations.

By addressing the prompt and adhering to the requirements, you can demonstrate your genuine interest in the graduate program and showcase your ability to follow directions, which can significantly improve your chances of being accepted.

Let’s look at an example from a hypothetical applicant to a graduate program in urban planning, illustrating a statement that ignores the prompt or requirements (bad) and a statement that addresses the specific prompt and program (good).

Suppose the prompt asks applicants to discuss their reasons for pursuing a graduate degree in urban planning, their long-term career goals, and how the specific program they are applying to will help them achieve these goals.

Bad (ignoring prompt or requirements):

“My passion for urban planning began during my undergraduate studies in geography, where I learned about the complex relationships between cities and their natural environments. I conducted research on urban heat islands and their impact on energy consumption, and I presented my findings at a regional conference. I have also volunteered with a local non-profit organization focused on creating more sustainable urban spaces.”

This statement provides an overview of the applicant’s background and experiences but fails to address the specific requirements of the prompt. It does not discuss the applicant’s reasons for pursuing a graduate degree, long-term career goals, or how the specific program will help them achieve these goals.

Good (addressing prompt and requirements):

“I am eager to pursue a graduate degree in urban planning to develop innovative and sustainable solutions to contemporary urban challenges. My long-term career goal is to work as a consultant, helping cities implement policies and strategies to mitigate the impacts of climate change and enhance the quality of life for their residents. The urban planning program at XYZ University offers a unique focus on sustainable design and policy, which aligns with my career objectives. Moreover, the program’s strong connections to local government agencies and non-profit organizations will provide valuable networking and internship opportunities that will help me gain practical experience and advance my career.”

This statement directly addresses the prompt by discussing the applicant’s reasons for pursuing a graduate degree, their long-term career goals, and how the specific program at XYZ University will help them achieve these goals. It demonstrates a clear understanding of the program’s unique features and the applicant’s suitability for it.

9) Plagiarism

Summary: Never copy or borrow content from other sources. Your personal statement should be an original piece of writing that reflects your own voice and experiences.

To avoid plagiarism, you should:

• Write in your own words: Express your thoughts, ideas, and experiences using your unique voice and perspective. Resist the temptation to copy phrases or sentences from other sources or personal statements.
• Attribute sources when necessary: If you mention a quote, statistic, or idea from someone else, make sure to give proper credit to the original source. This is not common in personal statements, but if needed, ensure you follow appropriate citation guidelines.
• Be authentic: Be genuine in sharing your experiences, goals, and motivations. Plagiarism is not just about copying words; it also involves presenting someone else’s experiences or ideas as your own. Focus on what makes you unique as an applicant.
• Use plagiarism detection tools: Before submitting your personal statement, run it through plagiarism detection software to ensure that you haven’t unintentionally copied content from other sources. This will help you identify any issues before submitting your application.

By avoiding plagiarism, you can ensure that your personal statement is an authentic representation of your experiences and aspirations, which can make a positive impression on the admissions committee and increase your chances of being accepted into the graduate program.

10) Poor proofreading

Summary: Thoroughly proofread and edit your personal statement to ensure it is free from grammatical errors, typos, or awkward phrasing. Consider asking someone else to review your work for additional feedback.

Grammatical, spelling, and punctuation mistakes can create a negative impression and detract from the professionalism of your application.

To proofread your personal statement effectively, you should:

• Review your statement multiple times, checking for spelling, punctuation, and grammatical errors. Read it out loud, as this can help you catch mistakes you might miss when reading silently.
• Use writing assistance tools, such as grammar checkers or spell checkers, to identify errors, but do not solely rely on them, as they may not catch every mistake.
• Share your statement with a trusted friend, family member, or mentor who can provide feedback and help you identify any errors or inconsistencies in your writing.
• Set your statement aside for a day or two and then revisit it with fresh eyes. This can help you spot errors and make improvements more effectively.

By carefully proofreading your personal statement, you can ensure that it is polished and free of errors, which can create a positive impression on the admissions committee and enhance your chances of being accepted into the graduate program.

A 7-point Framework for Things to Avoid in your Grad School Personal Statement

Based on the above key pitfalls that you should avoid in a grad school personal statement, now I will present a 7-point framework of the things that you should never do in your personal statement. By steering clear of these common pitfalls, you can create a powerful and persuasive statement that truly captures your strengths and ambitions, setting you on the path to success in your graduate studies.

Let’s break down each point to ensure that you have a thorough understanding of what they entail:

1. Being too general or vague: Stay specific and focused on your academic and research interests, relevant experiences, and specific goals.
2. Using clichés: Avoid overused phrases and sentiments; be original and authentic in expressing your motivations and experiences.
3. Providing a lengthy autobiography: Keep your statement concise, focusing on the most relevant experiences and qualifications pertaining to the graduate program.
4. Overemphasizing your weaknesses: Maintain a balanced perspective, addressing weaknesses strategically and emphasizing resilience and growth.
5. Being overly emotional or dramatic: Convey your passion without resorting to excessive emotion or drama; maintain a professional tone throughout your statement.
6. Excessive use of jargon: Use clear and concise language, providing context for technical terms, and balance technical knowledge with personal insights.
7. Submitting a generic statement: Tailor your statement to the specific graduate program, highlighting your unique experiences, and demonstrating your genuine interest.

By avoiding these common pitfalls in your personal statement, you can effectively showcase your qualifications, passion, and fit for the graduate program, increasing your chances of being accepted.

Sample 1: Evaluate and Rate a Sample Personal Statement on the 7-point Framework

Here is a sample personal statement that was written by a grad school applicant to get admission into the JHU graduate program. Based on the 7-point framework, here’s how the personal statement rates: 

Being too general or vague: The statement does a good job of being specific, detailing the writer’s personal experiences, research background, and motivations.

Using clichés: The statement mostly avoids clichés, but phrases like “staggering number of deaths” and “significant difference in the health of our society” could be rephrased to sound less generic.

Providing a lengthy autobiography: While the statement delves into the writer’s background and experiences, it could benefit from a tighter focus on relevant experiences and achievements that directly relate to the field of breast cancer research.

Overemphasizing your weaknesses: The statement does not dwell on weaknesses, which is a positive aspect.

Being overly emotional or dramatic: The statement opens with a personal story that has emotional resonance, but it does not become overly dramatic. However, some readers might perceive the narrative as slightly emotional, so it’s important to maintain a balanced tone throughout.

Excessive use of jargon: The statement avoids excessive jargon and technical terms, making it accessible to a wider audience.

Submitting a generic statement: The personal statement is tailored to the writer’s experiences and goals, focusing on breast cancer research. However, it could be improved by mentioning specific programs or institutions and explaining why they would be a good fit for the writer’s goals.

Overall, the personal statement is strong in its specificity, focus on relevant experiences, and avoidance of jargon. To improve, the writer might consider refining some phrasing to avoid clichés, focusing even more on experiences directly related to breast cancer research, and tailoring the statement to specific programs or institutions.

Sample 2: Evaluate and Rate a Sample Personal Statement on the 7-point Framework

Here is a sample personal statement that was written by a grad school applicant to get admission into the education graduate program at TUFTS. Based on the 7-point framework, here’s how the personal statement rates:

Being too general or vague: The statement has a mix of specific experiences and general sentiments, which could be improved by providing more concrete examples of accomplishments and goals related to special education.

Vague: “I believe this will give me tranquility and a realm of my own.”

Improvement: Explain how providing access to education for the less fortunate will specifically contribute to your sense of fulfillment or purpose.

Using clichés: While there are some clichés (e.g., “count my blessings” and “wisdom lies in knowing what to do next”), the overall content is unique and personal. Reducing clichés and replacing them with original insights will further strengthen the statement.

Cliché: “Wisdom lies in knowing what to do next.”

Improvement: Provide a unique insight or lesson learned from your experiences that will guide your future actions.

Providing a lengthy autobiography: The statement covers a wide range of experiences, which can be a strength, but also risks becoming unfocused. Streamlining the narrative to focus on the most relevant experiences related to special education will improve clarity.

Irrelevant detail: “Last year, while ascending Adams peak during a voluntary AIESEC internship at Colombo University, Sri Lanka…”

Improvement: Focus on experiences directly related to special education and how they influenced your decision to pursue graduate studies in the field.

Overemphasizing your weaknesses: The statement doesn’t overemphasize weaknesses, although it could better highlight the author’s growth and resilience in the face of challenges.

Being overly emotional or dramatic: The statement occasionally leans into emotion and drama, particularly in the opening anecdote. The author could consider revising these sections to maintain a more consistent professional tone.

Dramatic: “How lucky I am to have everything on my plate.”

Improvement: Maintain a professional tone by stating how you acknowledge your privileges and want to use them to contribute positively to society.

Excessive use of jargon: Jargon is not an issue in this statement, as it uses clear language and avoids excessive technical terms.

Submitting a generic statement: The statement is personalized with unique experiences and goals. However, it would benefit from more specific details about the graduate program of interest and how it aligns with the author’s ambitions.

Generic: “I believe everyone has a share in shaping the world (no matter how small or big)…”

Improvement: Describe specific ways in which the graduate program will support your goals and enable you to contribute to the field of special education

Sample 3: Evaluate and Rate a Sample Personal Statement on the 7-point Framework

Here is a sample personal statement that was written by a grad school applicant to get admission into the MSW program. Based on the 7-point framework, here’s how the personal statement rates:

Being too general or vague: This personal statement contains specific experiences, anecdotes, and examples that effectively demonstrate the applicant’s background, interests, and goals.

Using clichés: The statement mostly avoids clichés, presenting unique insights and experiences that make it stand out.

Providing a lengthy autobiography: The statement covers a wide range of experiences, but it is focused on the theme of gender, sexuality, and policy. The content is relevant and effectively demonstrates the applicant’s background and interest in the graduate program.

Overemphasizing your weaknesses: The statement does not overemphasize weaknesses. Instead, it showcases the author’s resilience and determination in the face of challenges.

Being overly emotional or dramatic: While some emotional elements are present, they are appropriate given the topic and contribute to the overall narrative.

Excessive use of jargon: The statement avoids excessive jargon and technical terms, making it accessible and easy to understand.

Submitting a generic statement: The statement is personalized and tailored to the applicant’s unique experiences and goals, effectively illustrating why they are a strong candidate for the graduate program.

In conclusion, crafting a powerful graduate school personal statement is an essential part of your application process. By avoiding these common pitfalls and adhering to the 7-point framework, you’ll be well on your way to creating a captivating and persuasive statement that showcases your strengths, passions, and goals. 

Remember to stay focused, genuine, and professional in your writing, and always tailor your statement to the specific program you are applying to. With careful planning, self-reflection, and attention to detail, you’ll not only enhance your chances of securing a spot in your desired program but also embark on an exciting journey of self-discovery and personal growth.